Excerpt - A Dismal Affair

CRICKET

July in the swamp was a born nightmare. Heat slithered through the canals and ditches like a cottonmouth bent on killing something for the plain hell of it. Even in the early morning, before the sun broke through the cypress trees and tinted the Spanish moss a sickly gold, it crept in through the shack’s screen door, and Cricket, stirred awake by the weight in her chest and the sweat beading under her arms, shed her white nightdress, letting it pool around her ankles. 

No sense in picking it up. Whenever Lake got back from her own morning swim, she’d put it in its proper place, which was on one of the hooks by the window. Lake liked having a proper place for everything. 

Cricket figured that since they were two sisters living in a swamp swarming with mosquitos and yellow jackets and all other manner of creepy-crawly creatures, there wasn’t much point in being neat and tidy. Neat and tidy for who, exactly? 

“Us, I guess,” she muttered to herself, enjoying the music of her own voice. Sometimes, when Lake wasn’t there and she started getting lonely, she talked to fill the space, to remind herself she was more than the bullfrogs croaking and the actual crickets strumming songs in the reeds. 

Never one to sit in silence, she padded out onto the front porch, naked as a newborn babe. For a while, she delighted in the sounds swelling around her, high-pitched ribbits and desperate mating calls and the gentle rustle of fluttering wings. 

The blue dawn hung heavy over the marsh. Mist shifted over the water, and Cricket thought about the stories Lake used to tell about witches and the green potions they boiled in cauldrons. When she was a girl, she used to pretend she and Lake were swamp witches made for protecting all the things that hopped and slinked and crawled through the wetlands. It was an easy way of explaining things. Wrong. But easy. 

She dipped her toe into the water, drawing patterns that rippled toward the grove of cypress trees on the other side of the canal. A watersnake glided past her, and she smiled and watched it go. Its scales glistened as it cut a path toward the trees, a path that could lead it to the lake if it kept a nice pace for an hour or two. But it was a little thing. It’d probably tucker out before then, stretch out on the retaining wall the commune had built to keep out the black bears and dull the sound of passing boats.

“Go as far as you can get, little one,” she said, and like it could hear her, it whipped its tail and took off into the marsh, leaving a tiny ribbon of white water in its wake. “This place ain’t meant for gentle things.”

She swung both legs over the side of the dock. Then, with a breath, she lowered herself into the swamp. 

The water, a soup of silt and mud and moss, flowed over her head, and Cricket closed her eyes and kept perfectly still. Algae clung to her like silk, forming a kind of second skin. Her shoulders and the backs of her knees, burnt from her venture out to the lake a few days ago, sighed in relief. Nothing better than a morning swim to revive what was dead, keep a girl young, Lake had said once.

“Well,” she’d chuckled, “nothing natural, I mean.” 

“Yeah, but why can’t we just start swimming straight off?” Cricket had asked. “You say we’ve gotta soak for a bit, why’s that exactly?” 

“Cuz the algae’s like a salve,” she’d answered. “Helps you look…well, you know…”

“More human.” Under the water, Cricket opened her eyes and mouthed the words. They turned to bubbles that drifted up toward the surface like a wish. Like a prayer. Because the swamp was the only home Cricket had ever known, and so it was the closest thing she had to a god. 

Satisfied she’d soaked long enough, Cricket swung her legs back and kicked off from the dock. 

For a moment, the rest of the world fell away. It was just her and the water and the familiar rush swirling in her ears, and with those things to hold her attention, she didn’t have to think about anything else. She surrendered to the hypnotic rhythm of the stroke, delighting in the resistance, the fight the swamp demanded. Her feet pulsed behind her, a steady one-two, one-two drumming in time with her heartbeat. She was muscle and bone rocketing forward, slipping past fallen branches and rotting trees, at home with the lizards and toads and snakes swimming right there alongside her. 

But she was cursed with a mind that never slowed down, and so the peace didn’t last. Thoughts nibbled at her as she reached the first fork in the canal. 

The first was which way to go. Left would take her toward the compound, where she might catch sight of the sad fisherman with his far-off look. Right would take her to the Hollow, where she could stretch out on one of the banks and let the morning roll right past her. Of course, getting to the Hollow meant dodging about three hiking trails, and in the thick of summer, they were bound to be crawling with families and loners alike who, despite it already being sweltering enough to make a grown man faint, would insist they were beating the heat.

She chose left. At least with the compound, she knew what she was getting. The ladies she sometimes saw winding their way through the trees wouldn’t pay her any mind. Hell, the fisherman might even bow his head in hello, and that could sure help her out. Because sometimes, when it had been a few days and she hadn’t seen a single soul except for Lake, she started to believe she wasn’t real at all, that she was some imagined creature dreamed into existence. 

And what kind of proof did she have to the contrary, outside of the water holding her up, the gentle burn in her arms and legs as she sped up her stroke? She’d watched hundreds of people trudge through the trails that wound through the swamp like wooden serpents. Most of the little ones called after the adults who forged ahead of them. They shouted words like “mama,” “mom,” and “mommy,” or “pa,” “dad,” and “daddy.” Sometimes they talked fast as lightning, and other times the words dribbled out of their mouths real slow-like, but they were always the same words. Cricket had never seen a little one in the swamp without at least a mama or a papa. And since most of the time, the kids looked a whole lot like the mamas or the papas, she figured one had to have created the other. 

Except Cricket was a person, far as she could tell. And for as long as she could remember, there had only ever been Lake. 

Without a mommy or daddy to tell her where she came from, there was no way of knowing where came from exactly. Lake had stories, of course, stories that painted the two of them as powerful beings with magic dancing in their veins. Except not all the stories were fairytales. Some of them were plain horrifying, stories that would keep those kids waddling along the walkways from ever sleeping again.  

She slowed as she approached the retaining wall. The sun was making its climb into the sky, and spears of golden light pierced the water. An hour ago, it would have been impossible to spot the hook floating five strokes ahead of her. The sneakers, on the other hand, were perfectly visible. They hovered above the surface, the white rubber soles tinted yellow by the algae.

She popped her head up, and the fisherman, perched on top of the retaining wall, jolted back so fast, he toppled onto the grass behind him. 

“Fuck.” He groaned and sat up, sucking in a strained breath. He was young, though how young she couldn’t be sure. Twenty-two, twenty-three maybe? Most of the people who lived in the commune were as pale as she was, with heads of blonde or brunette hair. His skin shimmered like stirred silt, and his crow-black hair flopped over his forehead. There was always a furrow between his dark brows, and while he smiled and laughed and grimaced like everyone else, Cricket got the sense he was scared. She wasn’t sure how she knew, given she’d never spent much time with anyone. Maybe it was in the slope of his shoulders, or how wide his eyes got whenever something surprised him.

Or maybe, like her sister said, she could smell it. 

“You can’t sneak up on me like that.” He pushed himself onto his feet, wiping stray pieces of grass from his black t-shirt. He bent to pick up the fishing pole. “Thought you were an alligator.” 

Cricket squinted at him. Alligators didn’t live in her swamp. She’d seen one or two passing through, but only in August, and only on the Southern-most border, miles away from where they were now. 

The reel clicked as he tightened the line, and the sound vibrated in Cricket’s teeth. It was too mechanical, a miniature of the motors that left ribbons of slick oil in the marsh and the little cases the hikers carried around with them, the ones that lit up and chimed and rang, sending the critters running for their hidey holes. 

“You ever going to tell me your name?” the fisherman asked, eyes finding her again. They were the color of rain-soaked peat, the outside ring blending with the black center. “Or is this one of those friendships where we don’t really talk but we get each other?” 

She smiled, not because what he’d said was funny, but because no one had ever called her a friend before. It rushed through her like honey, smooth and warm, and she opened her mouth to tell him her name was Cricket and she’d like to know his too when his face darkened. Gripping the fishing rod tight in one hand, he pointed with the other. 

“Snake!” His shout thundered through the trees, sending a flock of warblers shooting into the painted sky.

Cricket whipped around. Slithering toward her, its pointed head tilted toward the tree canopy, was a huge copperhead. Its red tongue licked at the air as it moved toward her, and in the morning sunlight, the chestnut pattern on its back burned orange. It was twice as thick as it should have been, so she knew it was pregnant—which meant it was ten kinds of uncomfortable and twenty kinds of angry. 

“Sst!” Cricket pressed the sound through her teeth and thrust her hand out of the water. The snake froze, its body buoyed by the duckweed and the air in its lungs. She stared into its amber eyes, right into the black slits sitting at their center, and took a long, quiet breath. Then, she started to hum, four notes building up, four notes dropping down, the basic cords of a song.  

The snake reared up, half its body rising out of the water.

“Are you fucking crazy?” the fisherman shouted behind her, but Cricket didn’t turn around. She and the snake gazed at each other, and the creature swayed side to side, keeping time with her rhythm. When she was certain the beat had settled in the snake’s body, that a sudden stop would startle it away, she sucked in a sharp breath, cutting the song short. The snake coiled back, then shot right, darting through the water like she’d set it on fire. 

On the bank, the fisherman made a noise Cricket had never heard before, a cross between a laugh and a scream, but not wicked enough to be a cackle. A sigh, maybe? Was that what Lake had called it? Again, she didn’t spend enough time with people to know all their different sounds. All she had were her sister’s and her own, and neither of them made much noise at all. 

“How did you…” But he stopped talking and made the noise again. “I mean, that was…” 

Something clenched in Cricket’s chest. 

“Whenever someone starts asking questions, that’s when you leave.” Lake said it nearly twice a week, so often it was branded into her brain. “We don’t need people hunting us. A glimpse every now and then’s fine, but they start getting curious, and this little life we’ve got, it’s over.” 

And if she was honest with herself, she wanted it to be over, but only in the sense that she wanted something else. Something more. She wanted to eat whatever it was people carried around in that shiny paper and the little golden rods that came with it, the ones that smelled like salt. She wanted to cling to the side of one of the boats that drifted through the canals and hold on until it brought her to wherever it was everyone else came from.

She wanted someone to lift up her long, blonde hair and kiss the back of her neck, wrap their arms around her waist and hold her close, feel their heat against her and know she was loved. Man, woman, didn’t matter. The desire ached like a full-body bruise. 

But if she or Lake got captured and carted off somewhere to be poked or prodded—or worse, ripped open so men could grab at their insides—then she would never get to do any one of those things. 

So she didn’t let the fisherman finish his questions. Instead, she twisted around and dove back under the water, swimming for home like a storm was on her heels. She thought she heard him call out, and she ignored the temptation to turn back, to share something with him, make a mark on another person’s life so she wouldn’t have to feel so invisible anymore. 

By the time she reached the shack, it was mid-morning. The wooden planks of the dock, bathed in sunlight, seared her palms as she pushed herself out of the marsh. She winced and dashed inside before they could do the same to her feet. 

The shack door slapped closed behind her, and she reached for the towel that should have been hanging beside it, but there was nothing but empty wall and the tiny sunflowers speckled all over the wallpaper. The old woman who used to live there, who’d died on the kitchen floor fifteen years ago, had plastered it all over the house. Lake found it tacky and horrible, but it brightened up the place, gave it character, so Cricket liked it okay. 

“What’s wrong?” 

Cricket startled at the sound of her sister’s voice. She turned to find her lounging on the chaise by the window, bare legs stretched out and crossed at the ankles, one strap of her forest green sundress hanging off one shoulder, wet hair spilling like ink down the other. 

“Don’t do that.” The blush bloomed in Cricket’s cheeks, creeping up to her ears, and she crossed her arms over her naked breasts and scowled. 

Her sister’s eyes, as wide-set and big as her own, narrowed, and her lips pursed and drifted playfully to the left side of her face. “I’ve seen it all before anyways. Got all the same parts as you. And I’m not sure you know this, but they look exactly the same, too.” 

Cricket lifted her chin. She didn’t like it when Lake played with her. “Where’s the towel?” 

“Where you left it.” Lake kicked her head toward the back of the shack. There was a small platform that led up to a queen-sized bed. The iron was rickety and rusted, but it still held up a mattress and two women just fine. 

The bright yellow towel—everything this woman had owned was a god awful yellow—lay wadded up against the footboard. Cricket padded across the old floorboards, nailed together by a half-drunk fool probably. Her sister smiled as she passed by, and the knot behind Cricket’s ribs tightened. They were reflections of each other in every way, with the same heart-shaped mouth and the same color eyes, the left one mossy green, the right one like pine sap. But where Cricket was so blonde her hair looked white, Lake’s hair was a winter night, smooth and black all the way through. And sometimes, when Cricket looked at her, she swore she saw a shadow stirring beneath her thick, black brows, like there was some other creature wearing her skin. 

She shivered and the thought became vapor, evaporating as she swiped the towel off the floor.

“You gonna answer my question?” Lake asked as Cricket dragged the towel across her body. Not that drying off mattered much. In this humidity, she’d be wet again in minutes. “What’s so wrong you gotta come rushing in here like an army’s chasing you?” 

“Nothing,” Cricket shrugged. “It’s just that fisherman I told you about?” 

Lake nodded. “Bo.” 

“What?” Cricket had stared good and hard. First of all, that man did not look like a Bo. Second of all, how did— 

“He’s Hugh Parson’s son,” Lake said. “Well, adopted son, he’s apparently from some place called Korea.”

The anger roiled in Cricket’s gut. “Oh yeah? How do you know that?” 

Lake’s head ticked sideways. “Cricket…”

“Cuz you’re always telling me don’t talk to anyone.” She wrapped the towel around her like a dress and let her wet hair flow down her back. “You’re always saying, Cricket, don’t go blabbing, cuz if you blab, people are gonna come and tear up our shack and take us away and—”

“Hugh Parsons owns the commune, Crickee,” Lake cut in, and Cricket swallowed the rest and held it in her lungs. “Everyone who comes through this swamp knows his name, most of them donate money to his cause, so yeah, I talked to him. It’s not like we’re sitting down for breakfast, okay, it’s been once or twice when he’s come across me, that’s all. He thinks I live in town, that I’m interested in joining his little…whatever it is they call it. Gang, maybe.” 

  “Cult.” Cricket never knew something Lake didn’t know. It felt good, like winning a game of cards twice in a row. “I’ve heard other people talking about them, they say it’s a cult.” 

Lake blinked at her. “Right, well. Whatever it is, I thought it might be a good idea if we made friendly. Because far as I can tell, they’re not leaving, so it’s probably best they think we’re…I don’t know, normal.” 

Cricket thought about what Bo had seen, how she’d charmed the snake, chased it straight off. She thought about the strange noise that rang in his throat and how he’d looked at her like she was some miracle, some mythical creature that couldn’t be real. 

“It’s pretty obvious we’re not.” Cricket looked down at her feet. She curled her toes in, then flattened them out again. They weren’t webbed. They weren’t talons meant for tearing flesh. They were just feet, made for walking, for running, for dancing. Things humans did. Things she could do, too. 

Things she wanted to do somewhere else.

“Hey, I know that look.” Lake swung her legs over the side of the chaise and opened her arms.

Cricket’s bottom lip quivered, and the tears made the room blur. “I’m all wet.” 

“Get the hell over here.” 

So Cricket shuffled over and laid her head in her sister’s lap. She closed her eyes as Lake pulled her fingers through her hair, and while she wasn’t sure what life looked like out in the world beyond, she thought this was probably what sisters did everywhere. 

“Who needs normal,” Lake whispered, “when you’ve got extraordinary?”


Excerpt - Something Wicked

ONE

Three miles into a six-mile morning run, Will Spellman realizes he’s done it again. After twenty-nine years, he should know how to recognize his masochism for what it is and tell it—politely—to fuck off. But somehow, it always manages to catch him by surprise. A long run on a school day is a risk on its own, given the early hour and the short time frame. A long run on a school day when he’s already past the point of exhaustion is, he sees now, base-level torture.

A normal human being would have recognized such torture and burrowed deeper into their blankets when they woke up aching, content to sleep until at least six a.m., when most other schoolteachers woke for their seven-fifty start. But Will had ignored the weight in his chest and the weariness in his legs and forced himself out of bed at four-thirty.

And it’s not until he turns onto Quellin’s Main Street that it dawns on him what a totally shit choice it was.

“You’re in it now, dumbass.” Wiping the sweat from his brow, he pauses on the street corner.

The dawn washes the town in a pink haze, pretty enough to breathe some life back into Will’s tired muscles. The monastic silence is part of the reason he enjoys morning runs. For the briefest of moments, Quellin, with its pastel storefronts and its ever-blooming dogwoods, seems to belong to him and him alone.

Most people in North Carolina call his childhood home a birthday cake town. Southern Living, Better Homes and Gardens, they all swear the air tastes sweeter here, like spun sugar. Like magic. And it’s all a bit too cotton candy for Will’s tastes, given his childhood memories, everything he knows about America’s Southern slice of Heaven. 

Still, in the first moments of a warm dawn, the town’s charm is undeniable. Ahead of him, fog veils the bridge arching over the train tracks. Fairy lights wink from the windows of the otherwise dark boutiques and restaurants resting on the other side of the “schism” as Alba calls it, only because the shopowners on the east side of the tracks never can get along with those on the right. Overhead, the rose-streaked sky promises another pleasant day.

Because that’s the thing about living in Quellin. Every day is perfect. The rain falls at night. The temperature is always exactly what it should be. In other parts of the state, dry, sweltering summers ruin crop yields and dreams of white Christmases remain dreams. Here, the corn grows tall and strong, and kids wake every December 25th to find a blanket of snow on the ground.

Sucking in another lungful of crisp September air, Will turns east toward home. When he reaches Alba’s Coffee House, nestled between the end of the sidewalk and the place where the railroad curves south, he peeks through the window. White light emanates from the cash register’s screen, and the Coca-Cola machine flickers and hums in front of the counter. Behind the pastry case, Alba’s silhouette bends low, He can just make out Alba’s silhouette as she bends lows, stuffing the pastry box full of fresh-baked conchas, orejas, and besos.

He taps on the glass. Her hand flies to her chest and she leaps a good two feet in the air, because unless they’re opening a coffee shop, no one should be awake this early in the goddamn morning. He flashes her a mischevious grin and mouths ’see you later,’ ignoring the scowl on her leathered face because they both know she doesn’t mean it.

The giant clock on the wall behind her reads five o’clock. Nervous energy jolts through his body, and he offers a hurried wave and takes off at a half-sprint. Sure, he’s still got an hour before he really needs to even be awake, but by the time he showers, grades a few papers, and wrestles Jo out of bed, it’ll be late enough to tie his stomach in knots.

He reaches the end of Main Street and follows the curve. Once he sets foot onto Silverthorne Lane, he books it. A long row of historical homes, some of them dating as far back as the colonial period, line the right side of the street. They’re beautiful, the Victorian architecture positively fascinating, but they stand careful guard over the skeletal pines and gnarled oaks that make up Barrow Wood, and he doesn’t care to linger in the shadows of those ancient trees for longer than the minute and a half it takes to skirt past them. He would take another route, but this is the only path with a sidewalk, and people drive like maniacs on backcountry roads.

He was both surprised and relieved to find a ’Land for Sale—Resale and Development’ sign posted up in front of the wood last week. Barrow is a legendary piece of land in Quellin, fodder for fairytales and horror stories alike. Children who wandered in and never came out. Men and women found with mysterious bruising on their arms and neck, incapable of saying anything. He’s poured over Barrow Wood lore, re-created some of the stories in his college creative writing classes.

And then of course, there’s what happened with Ellis.

The familiar tingle, a curious mixture of dread and grief that knots in his gut, comes and goes as he rushes past the trees. The memories press in—Ellis’ glassy eyes, the stickiness on Will’s fingers as he cradled his head, Teo’s “no” tearing the world in half. He keeps his focus on the row of houses, on the West family’s enormous-as-fuck rainbow flag flapping in the gentle breeze. It’s a new addition, one Quinn West went on ad nauseum about last Saturday.

“Raise your hand if you’re surprised by Andy and Paula’s sudden support for the LGBTQ community?” Quinn lifted both hands into the air as they lounged across Will’s couch.

Jo, perched on the armrest, shrugged. “I mean, yes, they’re baby boomers born and raised in the South, but there’s a Mondale-Ferraro bumper sticker on the fridge in your garage, so I feel like maybe we’re stereotyping here.”

“Jo, my father wears pleated khakis. Pleated fucking khakis.” Quinn looked at Will, pouring a glass of iced coffee in the kitchen. “Back me up here, Spellman. Pleated khakis equals conservative.”

“Think you’re confusing pleated khakis with fascism,” Will told them. What he hadn’t said—what he would never say—was how relieved he was that Quinn’s coming out as non-binary had been so seamless. Apart from a few questions, their parents had taken it in stride.

The only reason it had stressed Will at all was that he wasn’t sure he could afford to officially adopt Quinn as a second sibling. He had enough trouble affording the first.

By the time he gets to the apartment complex, it’s five-thirty. He dashes up the stairs, wincing at the top as a twinge tears through his knee. He curls the joint in, flinching when it pops. In three months, his twenties will be gone, and he tries not to think about how, in the last year, he’s noticed more and more spots that hurt more than they used to, how he’s had to drink an extra cup of coffee to start his engines in the morning.

He tries not to think about all the books he hasn’t written, the trips he hasn’t taken, the life he’s put on hold.

You need new shoes is all. Maybe, if he repeats the lie long enough, it will become the truth.

The discomfort and regret dwindle as he strolls across the landing and through 2E’s somewhat crooked door. Slipping out of his sneakers, he bounds through the living room and down the hall, then bursts through Jo’s bedroom door with a huge, “Wake up!”

“Worlds to conquer, shit to do, Little Bit!” He flicks the lights on and off, feigning a cackle as Jo groans, burying her head under her pillow. “Come on, up, up, up!”

“I’m gonna stab you.” She sits up, and while her long brown curls veil her face, he can hear the pout in her voice. “Right between the ribs. You’ll be dead before you even feel it.”

“You’d have to catch me first.” He drums his hands on top of the doorframe. “Ready in half an hour, got it?”

“Between. The. Ribs.”

In the shower, Will looks straight up into the stream. The sweat and grime let go, and he rakes his hands through his brown curls, rinsing them clean. In his head, he runs through the list of things he has to do when he gets to school: check emails. Finish grading three essays to stay caught up with his daily count. Talk to Pragathi Rajan about Martin Bailey. Something’s been off about the kid ever since school started, and he wants to get it on Pragathi’s radar before the college applications roll in and her limited window to talk to kids closes completely.

The water’s blistering heat washes the harsher aches away, and he emerges feeling like a new man—or as much of a new man as any English teacher can be on the third Tuesday of the school year.

It’s nearly six by the time he strolls out of the bedroom, comfortable in a pair of black jeans and a green button-up. He walks into the kitchen to find Jo spreading peanut butter carefully, meticulously, onto an English muffin, treating the knife like a paint brush, the muffin like one of her canvases. 

“Here.” She sets it down on a paper plate and slides it across the counter. “Made this for you.”

Will grabs the edge of the plate and pulls it toward him. “To what do I owe this rare stroke of selflessness?”

 Jo’s eyes, blue as a September sky, flick up from her bowl of Fruit Loops. “I can be nice.”

Will squints at her. His sister can be selfless, it’s true, and she takes care of him where she can.

She’s also seventeen.

“Kay, so it’s something nice,” she says, “and I need you to read my SCAD essay tonight.”

 Will’s heart hammers the back of his ribs, like it always does whenever college creeps into the conversation. Savannah College of Art and Design is one of the best art schools in the country. It’s also out-of-state and expensive as all hell, and while their father, in the few years he was sober, took out a decent life insurance policy before overdosing in their living room thirteen years ago, most of that money was gone already, spent on his own tuition. Will has spent the better part of the last seven years saving up for her turn, but he doesn’t even have half of what he would need for SCAD or RISD or the Art Institute of Chicago.

Jo’s a gifted artist, though, and not the gifted that can be said of any kid who tries, but the gifted that might get her displayed in a museum one day, the gifted that needs SCAD to push and challenge and mold her into the genius she could be. If Will was half as talented a writer as Jo was a painter, he’d have won the Pulitzer twice over. But he’s just okay; she is extraordinary.

Exactly as he planned.

“When’s the application due?” Shoving the last of the English muffin into his mouth, he makes for the kitchen cabinets and grabs one of Mateo’s whiskey tumblers. The orange juice sits on the counter, and he pours himself a glass, sucking it down in three loud gulps.

“October,” she says, cereal bowl still cupped in her bony hand. “Don’t worry about the fees, though, Alba’s giving me extra shifts at the coffee house.”

“I can handle the fees.”

She cocks one of her thick, dark brows. “You’re sure?”

He nods. “Just don’t expect anything big for Christmas.” He rinses his glass in the sink and sets it down. “Kay, let’s go.”

She rolls her eyes. “’You realize we’ve still got an hour before any other human being will even be at school, right?”

“Yes, but I’ve got a mountain’s worth of shit to do.” He ticks his head toward the door. “Vamanos.”

But Jo doesn’t listen. Instead, she hoists herself up onto the countertop, paint-splattered Chucks pounding against the bottom row of cabinets. Her eyes narrow as she studies him.

The frustration spindles his spine. “Josephine Marie, I swear to—”

The door across the living room open, cutting him off. Teo steps out of the master bedroom, straightening a purple tie covered in lavender paisley. After decades of seeing him in nothing but graphic tees and basketball shorts, Will isn’t sure he will ever get used to his best friend’s tailored suits and starched shirts.

Teo freezes in the face of Will and Jo’s stand-off.

“What’s happening?” He struts up to the countertop. Ever since accepting his fancy job at Bank of America, he’s stopped walking and started strutting. “Do I need to call Ma, get her to smooth things over with you two?”

“Teo, important question.” Jo still squints at Will.

Teo makes a ’hmm’ as he steps into the kitchen and grabs one of the coffee mugs. “Hit me.”

“Don’t you think Will needs a girlfriend?” She sets her bowl down, flattens her palms on the counter. “I think Will needs a girlfriend.”

Will scoffs. “Yeah, cuz I’ve got the time for that.”

But Teo’s face lights up, like it’s the most ingenious idea in the world. Like he—or Jo, or Will for that matter—has any say in the matter. “You know, now you mention it, when was the last time you even went on a date, bro, fucking college?”

“Mkay, both of you? Fuck off.” Will snaps his fingers at his sister. “School. Now or you ride the bus.”

“Rude.” Jo hops off the counter and skips over to the couch, where her backpack swells with her Calc and History textbooks. Grunting, she slings the straps over her shoulders and gives him a sarcastic salute. “Ready when you are, captain.”

“Trivia tonight?” Teo asks as the two of them head out the door.

Will props it open with his elbow and turns to answer. “Can’t. Getting a whole thing of essays.”

“You, sir, are a traitor to your generation.”

“And you work at a bank, so shut the fuck up.” With an apologetic grin, he leaves him standing in the kitchen.

“So. Went to the bathroom last night and saw your light on,” Jo says as Will ducks into the Corolla. “Were you working on something?”

Will snorts. Truth be told, yes, he’d spent an hour last night staring at a blank screen, trying to bleed the image of an old man drinking whiskey onto the page. But every time he typed a sentence, it came out wrong. He’s rusty, and it will take months of practice to get back to where he wants to be. Months he doesn’t have to give. 

“Not seriously. Don’t really have the energy for writing right now.”

“Will, you’re never not moving.”

“That’s nervous energy, Little Bit.” And like talking about it has opened some kind of door, the haze of exhaustion settles over his mind. “Not the same thing.”

She bows her head, swallows. “You know, you don’t have to…” She pauses, and Will waits before starting the car, giving her a second to finish her thought, but she straightens up and waves it off. “Never mind. Let’s go, I want you to have enough time.”

He gives her a smile and turns the key in the ignition. America’s 'Ventura Highway' strums on the radio. And he can see she wants to say something, knows it’s all knocking behind her teeth, because she makes the same faces he makes when he’s biting something back. But she holds it in, and he knows better than to press. Instead, he turns the music up, driving the silence out.

Reason #1 William Faulkner and I Should Fight: The Problem with "Reading Everything"

There are a few writing quotes that tend to bound around the Instagram and Pinterest communities with wild abandon. Chekov’s “Don’t tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass” seems to be making the rounds this week, which brings me a lot of joy considering how helpful it is as a “show don’t tell” reminder. 

But a quote I loathe, perhaps more than any other writing quote out there, is William Faulkner’s famous “Read everything--trash, classics, good and bad, and see how they do it.”

Sir...no. 

I’m not going to spend my time tearing down another author’s work. Every novel is a labor of love, and every labor of love deserves some degree of respect and admiration. What’s more, someone’s “trash” is often another person’s “treasure,” and trash can often be good for the soul (your girl loves an angsty love triangle/rectangle/whatever-shape-you-want-just-give-me-ANGST).

But when it comes to developing craft, I have to disagree with good old Willy...and trust me when I say that I’ve tried seeing things from his side for years and years and years. 

Here’s the thing: “bad” writing does nothing to inspire me. If it sparks anything at all, it’s usually rage: “how in the world did this gain rep? What is it about this story that’s gaining a following? WHY? WHY? WHY?” Perhaps even more enraging? When that bad writing leads to even worse writing that then leads to readers’ obsession with toxic tropes or a fascination with a cliche archetype that floods the market and makes it difficult to find a book that—as the youths say (or said, at one point)—SLAPS (looking at you, sassy, not-like-other-girls-with-a-knife).

Look, Faulkner has some great moments, some lines that truly knock me out. But the man refused editorial advice again and again, which produced confusing narratives, inconsistent characterization, and an entire chapter that, for no reason at all, reads, “My mother is a fish.” So is he the best author to heed when it comes to writing advice? Probably not. 

About two months ago, I read Maggie O’Farrell’s Hamnet, then proceeded to spend the next two days staring up at my ceiling, mourning the fact that I would never, in a million years, be able to write like her. Her metaphors, her poetic language, her ability to bring me to my knees, all of it left me with a desire to take up my pen and try to produce something half as beautiful. And then I realized it wasn’t about writing like her but taking lessons from her writing and trying to weave those lessons into my own work. I love expressing emotion through physicality, but could I maybe try expressing it more metaphorically? Through thought? Through memory?  Could I find a simple object, like a glove or a whip, and tie that to a character in a way that reveals more about who they are, what they’ve been through? Could I talk about a character’s fear of death—or lack thereof—by discussing how they envision the afterlife? 

Maybe not exactly like O’Farrell. But I could find my own way.

Other authors, like Jess Kidd and Neil Gaiman, have taught me how to more effectively introduce characters (Kidd described a woman as having a “halibut pout,” and I about died of laughter...because how many of us know someone with a halibut pout?). These are the kinds of lessons bad writing cannot teach us. 

Sure, there’s something to be said about “bad” writing and its pacing or its ability to rouse feelings of lust or fear in readers. And that’s all well and good. But if you’re reading something and it’s not inspiring you, don’t listen to Faulkner. Put it down and find something that does. Because to me, “trash” is simply another word for “waste.” And the last thing a writer needs to do is waste their time trudging through the same old, re-packaged garbage. Find something good. Something that makes your heart sing. 

Then, figure out how to take the parts that inspire you and make them your own. 

Read for “fun,” absolutely. But as far as reading trash goes, your time as a writer is more precious than that. I say us it wisely. Use it well. But hey, I’m just one girl…let me know what you think!

Happy Halloween weekend, everyone. Here’s to lots of treats...and maybe a few tricks, too. 

-Taylor

"The Vampire"

The vampire came the next Wednesday. He rapped on Thea’s window in the dead of night, and because he was beautiful and pale, with eyes as deep and black as the pond behind her old house, she let him in, despite the fact that when she was little, Thea’s mother told her to beware of strange men. Or perhaps it wasn’t “despite the fact.” Perhaps it was because her mother was dead, her voice some misremembered sound she couldn’t grab onto anymore.

       Perhaps it was because the worst had already happened. 

       She knew he was a vampire because he looked like one. His carved cheekbones sat high on his face, and his veins ran purple and blue beneath his alabaster skin. He was dressed like a proper gentleman, with tailored black pants and a skinny black tie that tucked into his double-breasted vest. He said nothing as he came into the room. He simply walked to the right-hand corner, where Thea’s pink-checkered chair sat piled high with a week’s worth of dirty laundry, clothes she hadn’t bothered to toss into a hamper. Then he crept up the wall the way vampires do and swung down from the ceiling, drawing his black cape around him to protect himself from the sunlight. It was almost dawn, after all.

       “What do you want?” Thea asked.

       The vampire’s silence tingled down her spine.

       At the office the next morning, Megan, who worked at the desk beside Thea’s, asked what was new. When Thea told her of the vampire, she nodded, a tight grin creeping across her face, caving in the hollows of her cheeks.

       “Mine showed up nine years ago,” she said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. Her skeletal fingers tapped against her keyboard, fingernails clicking the F and the J. Thea had never noticed before how much smaller she looked, the way her clothes hung off her like they belonged to someone else. “He only takes a little every night now.”

       “Has he ever told you what he wants?” Thea asked.

       “They all want different things.”

       After that, Megan threw herself into work and did not speak about anything else for the rest of the day. Maybe it was best not to talk about it with other people. 

       She ate lunch alone in the breakroom as usual. Brad Sellers from IT management came down to pour himself a fifth cup of coffee. He tried his best to avert his eyes, remembering the seminar from last week about harassment, but eventually, he surrendered, either to nerves or his baser instincts. Thea’s skin prickled as his eyes raked down her body.

       “You’re wearing purple today.” He wanted her to think he’d simply noticed something new. “You never wear purple.”

       The yogurt was tart on Thea’s tongue as she took her last bite, sour enough to burn down her throat. “You ever seen a vampire?” She wasn’t sure she was asking because she wanted to know or because she knew it would chase him away.

       “Funny,” Brad said. He said vampires were stories meant to scare little children before disappearing through the door frame, heading back down the hall.

       Cold snaked through her ribs when he murmured “Hey, boss man,” indicating Matthew was on his way to the breakroom. Feeling fled to her edges, then burst into the stifling air, leaving her numb, a collection of needle pricks. Her chair scraped the tile as she stood, snapping her Tupperware closed and shoving it back into her lunchbox.

       Matthew appeared in the doorway, running back legs spread wide, swallowing the space. He was one of those men who used to be fit until he started drinking beer, with a smile people forgot as soon as he left a room and beady eyes that sat too high on his doughy face. He was as far from strange as a person could be, with his starched shirts and his weekly golf game and his love of small talk, not the kind of man that would have worried her mother.

       But then, perhaps her mother had simply meant men she didn’t know.  

       Thea had always thought of herself as a modern woman warrior, donning blazers like armor and watching horror movies alone in her apartment and running the park in the early hours of the morning when it was still dark, bear mace in hand, afraid of nothing.

       She hoped he couldn’t see her knees trembling beneath the hem of her skirt.

       “I’m going,” she said.

       “Thea.” He wore the same brown loafers, kept them rooted to the plastic line dividing the hallway carpet from the tile. “Our signals got crossed.”

       “Get out of my way.” She gripped the strap of the lunchbox hard enough to rub the skin on her palm raw.

       “Would you just—”

       “Get out of my way.”

       He scoffed, and like she’d trained a weapon on his chest, he threw his hands in the air and backed away, retreating right down the hallway. She cut left, hugging the lunchbox to her chest as she bolted down the hall, blood thundering in her ears, breaths stuttering out of her chest as she made toward the stairwell. She peeled off her heels and ran all the way to the parking lot, forgetting about the project left open on her computer and the Post-its plastered around the edges of her keyboard.

       The gym was quiet at 12:30 on a Wednesday, the pool practically empty save for an old woman swimming laps in the far left lane. Thea slipped into the water and kicked off the wall, falling into the stroke, drowning out thoughts of her mother and monsters, of vampires and brown loafers, until she was nothing but breath and muscle.

       On her tenth lap, she stopped to rest, and when the old woman waved at her from across the pool, Thea waved back.

       “Just us today.” The woman’s voice echoed in the space. Thea nodded, and as she watched the woman, blue goggles on top of her head, tired eyes blinking at her, she wanted to ask, so she did.

       “Just the one,” the woman replied. “He climbed in through the window a few days after we lost our first boy. My husband, Dale, never believed me, said he couldn’t see a damn thing. Eventually, I stopped talking about it. Used to be he’d come in and almost drain me dry. But now that Dale’s gone and we’ve learned to exist together, he only takes what he needs. Leaves me alone the rest of the time.” 

       “And he never told you why he came?”

       “You know,” the old woman said, “I never thought to ask.”

       #

       She drew the bedroom curtains closed, blocking out the sun and cloaking the room in shadow. The vampire peeked its head out of its cloak, pale fingers curled around the black silk.

       “Do not feed on me.” Thea breathed through the panic trilling in her chest, forced it down into her stomach. She imagined her mother’s kitchen the way she had last Wednesday, heard the pan crackling as she fried fresh squash, grabbing hold of the memory until she smelled the grease. The vampire didn’t move.

       “I’m in control, you hear me?” she said. “You want to survive, you need me, right?”

       The vampire blinked its red-rimmed eyes but did not move.

       “Can you give me what I want?”

       The vampire locked eyes with her, and she could feel him sifting through her mind, his thoughts mixing with her own, curling around moments with her mother, blazing through fearless morning runs and margaritas with her friends on Friday nights and dancing at the club with her hair down around her shoulders. Hands on her hips. A familiar voice in her ear. One kiss that found her pinned in a corner, hot coals burning her throat so she couldn’t scream.

       Her want deepened as she tasted iron on her tongue, as the vampire unlatched himself from the wall and strode towards her. She met him halfway, twining her arms around him, telling him yes, she wanted this, the power, the ability, knowing what she was giving up, aching for what she would gain. She craned her head back, felt the pinch at her neck, the tingling numbness as her blood left her body.

       Her heart slowed, and for a moment, she enjoyed it, this place of not being, feeling her old life tangle around the new as the vampire brought his lips to her ear.

       “Are you sure?”

       The smile cracked across her face as she felt the hunger take her over, a vicious, living thing.

       “Yes.”

#

        It was pitch black by the time Matthew left the office, but then, he’d always preferred the dark. The bite in the air pricked the hairs on his arms as he strutted toward the black Camaro, lights flashing as he hit the button on his keys.

       There were no footsteps to warn him. There was only a gust of air and a gentle hand on his shoulder.

       When the receptionist found him the next day, throat opened, skin pale, eyes staring at the sky, she didn’t scream. She simply slipped her phone out of her pocket and dialed 911. Then, she stared into his marble eyes, eyed the blood drying on his starched collar, and she wondered.

       What would happen, if she dared to ask.